


F*** You, Science

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Paint The Sky With Stars [16]
Category: Night World - Fandom, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - Witches, Crossover, Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7084963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Multiverse, Any m/m, "Fuck you, science!"</p><p>Rodney, Zelenka, and Kusanagi try to figure out the scientific basis behind the Night Children...and fail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	F*** You, Science

Zelenka sank down in his chair with a yawn.   
  
“What’s the verdict?” Kusanagi asked.  
  
“Just a cold.” Zelenka grumbled and reached for his mug of tea, which was now tepid. He took a sip and made a face, peered at it, shrugged, and drained it.  
  
“You seem like you feel better,” Rodney pointed out.  
  
“Carson did his thing and now I am better.” Zelenka wiggled his hands and waggled his eyebrows to indicate _magic_.  
  
“Does that freak you out?” Rodney asked.   
  
“Little bit,” Zelenka admitted, because he’d grown up with tales of witches like Baba Yaga, who stole babies and cursed peasants and whose mere presence spoiled milk.  
  
“You?” Rodney asked Kusanagi.  
  
“There are good witches and bad witches,” she said. “Carson’s good. You?”  
  
“I like Carson just fine,” Rodney said. “It’s just -”  
  
“Just what?” Zelenka said.  
  
“Don’t you feel like Sheppard and Carson and Lorne are -”  
  
“One big ‘fuck you, science’?” Kusanagi asked.  
  
Zelenka and Rodney stared at her.  
  
“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it.”  
  
“Not in...quite those terms,” Rodney said.  
  
“Exactly those terms,” Zelenka admitted. “But never aloud.”  
  
Kusanagi said, “Sheppard’s a vampire. Drinking blood makes him stronger, faster, immortal, and also stop aging. And it gives him telepathy. Carson’s a witch. He can create energy out of nothing and use it to heal people. And Major Lorne turns into a giant panther.”  
  
“Jaguar,” Zelenka corrected.  
  
“Whatever. The point is,” Kusanagi said, “they’re beyond science. Aliens and wormholes were strange at first, but now that I’ve studied them, they make sense. Those three make no sense at all.”  
  
Rodney frowned. “There has to be a scientific explanation for it.”  
  
“Does there?” Kusanagi asked.  
  
“Yes! They live in the same world as us, one governed by the laws of science.”  
  
“Tell that to Carson and his magic,” Zelenka said.  
  
Rodney sighed. Then he tapped his radio. “McKay for Sheppard.”  
  
“Go for Sheppard.”  
  
“Can you come to the lab? I need your help with something.”  
  
“I’m not your human light switch.”  
  
“You’re not human,” Rodney shot back, and immediately winced when the other two glared at him.  
  
“I’m not your inhuman light switch either.”  
  
“I’m not asking you to be a light switch. Just - come here.”  
  
“I’m busy, Rodney.”  
  
“Doing what?”  
  
“Doing...commander things.”  
  
“What’s the scientific reason vampires need blood?”  
  
“Vampire blood doesn’t carry oxygen,” John said.   
  
Rodney blinked. “What?”  
  
“Vampires need to absorb oxygen in their cells same as humans, but their blood doesn’t carry it. Human blood does. Over time, of course, the oxygen they consume is used up and they need to feed again.”  
  
“Huhn. That...makes some sense.” Rodney didn’t know enough about human physiology to know how that would work. Zelenka and Kusanagi were staring at him expectantly.  
  
“There are other mystical properties to drinking human blood,” Sheppard said. “Speedy healing. Strength. Senses. Speed. Immortality. Staying young. That’s probably because vampirism was born of magic. But at its base - vampires need blood like humans need breathing.”  
  
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”  
  
“You’re welcome, Rodney. Don’t go sharing that when you’re on Earth, all right?”  
  
“Of course not.” Who did Rodney have to talk to on Earth? He toggled off his radio.  
  
“Well?” Zelenka demanded.  
  
“It started off well and then fell on its face,” Rodney said.  
  
Kusanagi waved a dismissive hand. “Tell us anyway.”  
  
So Rodney did.  
  
“Yes,” Zelenka said. “Kusanagai is right. Sheppard, Lorne, and Beckett do fly in the face of everything we know in science, but they are a fascinating case.”  
  
“We should get them t-shirts,” Kusanagi said.   
  
“What for?” Rodney asked.  
  
“That say _fuck you, science._ ”  
  
Rodney wouldn’t mind John and the word _fuck_ in close proximity, but he’d prefer it if there were no t-shirts involved. “Enough chatter. Back to work.”  
  
Zelenka and Kusanagi rolled their eyes and turned back to their workstations, prodding their laptops back to life.  
  
Rodney couldn’t help but picture John in one of those t-shirts and, better yet, peeling him out of said shirt. But Rodney was an ordinary human, and John was with Lorne, who was superhuman, and that was probably the way it was supposed to be.


End file.
